Disappointing Things DPG Says...

"I’m gonna start gettin tough! You guys are gonna wake up to see me in the kitchen just beating..."

Wed, 08 May 2013 22:56:28 -0400

“I’m gonna start gettin tough! You guys are gonna wake up to see me in the kitchen just beating myself with meat!”

- Dpg while slapping himself goth turkey on WinCo

"I’m just hartnett-ing you!"

Sun, 28 Apr 2013 01:37:51 -0400

“I’m just hartnett-ing you!”

- Dpg saying he’s just joshing.

"Frenching your dead uncle has GOT TO BE a fetish somewhere."

Fri, 26 Apr 2013 00:24:53 -0400

“Frenching your dead uncle has GOT TO BE a fetish somewhere.”

- Dpg

"I wish those tasted like army men. Like…not the toys, but like actual army guys. Really..."

Tue, 23 Apr 2013 01:07:05 -0400

“I wish those tasted like army men. Like…not the toys, but like actual army guys. Really fleshy…”

- Dpg about some candy that looked like army men.

"I always get excited cuz I think Paul Walker is out in the parking lot. But he never is."

Tue, 23 Apr 2013 01:02:01 -0400

“I always get excited cuz I think Paul Walker is out in the parking lot. But he never is.”

- Dpg after he heard tire screeching

"I really need to impress my new coworkers with my farting skills."

Tue, 23 Apr 2013 01:00:06 -0400

“I really need to impress my new coworkers with my farting skills.”

- Dpg the day he got a new job

"I’ve gotta download the Chris Gaines album like right now!"

Sun, 21 Apr 2013 00:11:27 -0400

“I’ve gotta download the Chris Gaines album like right now!”

- Dpg

"I’m gonna start a massage business where I just massage people with knives. It’ll be..."

Sat, 20 Apr 2013 03:57:49 -0400

“I’m gonna start a massage business where I just massage people with knives. It’ll be like extreme acupuncture…just…puncture.”

- Dpg while massaging his neck with the handle of a kitchen knife.

"I tend to bargain shop when I shop for prostitutes."

Wed, 17 Apr 2013 20:25:46 -0400

“I tend to bargain shop when I shop for prostitutes.”

- Dpg

"Isn’t that how life works? If I’ve ever learned anything from Paul Walker and Vin Diesel..."

Wed, 17 Apr 2013 20:23:33 -0400

“Isn’t that how life works? If I’ve ever learned anything from Paul Walker and Vin Diesel movies…”

- Dpg

"Shaggy played a big part in the civil rights movement."

Fri, 05 Apr 2013 22:40:42 -0400

“Shaggy played a big part in the civil rights movement.”

- Dpg.

Cocaine

Wed, 03 Apr 2013 14:48:51 -0400

Dpg: I'll buy them their first line of coke when their 7.

ME: 7!?

Dpg: Well I don't know! When do you buy a kid his first line of coke?

"If its not America, its the Middle East."

Wed, 03 Apr 2013 12:46:17 -0400

“If its not America, its the Middle East.”

- Dpg and his sense of geography.

"I feel like that suitcase is gonna be overkill for me. It’s just gonna be my Star Wars shirt and my..."

Tue, 02 Apr 2013 20:57:56 -0400

““I feel like that suitcase is gonna be overkill for me. It’s just gonna be my Star Wars shirt and my Spice Girls shirt bouncing around in there.””

- Dpg while packing for our road trip.

"Simple plan. Brightening days since biblical times. I heard they actually wrote the song of David."

Tue, 02 Apr 2013 17:20:11 -0400

“Simple plan. Brightening days since biblical times. I heard they actually wrote the song of David.”

- Dpg

"Being molested is the new NOT being molested."

Tue, 02 Apr 2013 04:06:05 -0400

“Being molested is the new NOT being molested.”

- Dpg

"By the way, you guys might come home and find me secretly watching LOL. (The Miley Cyrus and Demi..."

Tue, 02 Apr 2013 03:52:48 -0400

“By the way, you guys might come home and find me secretly watching LOL. (The Miley Cyrus and Demi Moore movie)”

- Dpg.

"When you guys were kids did you ever make butts out of your knee?"

Mon, 01 Apr 2013 06:09:02 -0400

“When you guys were kids did you ever make butts out of your knee?”

- Dpg

"That’s a classic John Cena film.."

Thu, 28 Mar 2013 06:01:54 -0400

“That’s a classic John Cena film..”

- Dpg ranting about how he loves John Cena

"YES!! John Cena!!!!"

Thu, 28 Mar 2013 05:27:37 -0400

“YES!! John Cena!!!!”

- Dpg seeing John Cena in a thumbnail of a TV show